Independance

Independance can be such a great and powerful feeling...but when it's stripped from you, you begin to lose control of all the things you thought you had worked so hard to get. 

I flipped my car and with that came all sorts of additional headaches and heartaches.  The night that I flipped it, my phone was tossed from the vehicle...I had no one's numbers memorized, with exception to a very limited group...all of which NONE of them live close by anymore.  The DPS officer asks me, "Do you have someone that you can call to come get you?"  I'm sure there were a few people that would have come racing to my rescue, but I didn't have their phone numbers memorized.  Once I got home, I still had no way to let anyone know that I had been in a serious accident and that I was alright except to broadcast it via Facebook so that they could read it when they awoke the next morning.

That was my first reality check of loss of control. 

Well, I thought I'd take my time finding a new vehicle since I had both of my parents cars to drive around and at my beckon call.  Last Friday, the truck broke down on the side of the road...in a hysterical panic, I needed a ride to work and then I needed a ride home.  I was able to get a ride to work...but it was a little harder to find a ride home.  Although, I know now, who to call and who not to call in an instance like that!  Being stuck without a way to even get to my own damn house was humiliating and discouraging all in the same breath.

So, I started driving the little blue hoopty...it's a fine car but a small and old fragile car.  Lots and lots of miles on that old car.  Well, yesterday, it took a crap and broke down on the side of the road...so in 4 days, I was stranded on the side of 377 twice.  What a great sense of loss of control that was!  I had an uncontrollable emotional break down on the side of 377.  Poor Les, the shop mechanic that stopped to help me out.  He deserves so much for putting up with my emotional meltdown.

I have tried sooo hard to remain positive, and take my time finding a great new vehicle but it just feels as if I'm on a downward spiral that I can't make stop.

However, this afternoon, I made a deal on a truck...sight unseen...and will be picking her up tomorrow evening.  So, maybe I'm regaining control again and can once again have peace in my life.

Bitch On!